Steamier than Fiction

Okie!  Well, I think things are going well for me as far as the bags are concerned.  I’ve been listening to my playlist for the current story I’m writing, but the order of the songs is off.  I need to put them in the proper order to progress the story in my head.  I also got back to transcribing that fourteen year old story.  I’m still disappointed in one scene, though.

  I have a tendency to put real life experiences, people, and things in my stories.  You know, writing what you know and all that jazz.  Well back in the day I took a real life encounter and put it into the story, but the way the story panned out ended up cutting actual events by half, leaving me with the first half of what really happened (with some artistic alterations to fit the story) and cutting out the reeeealy good part.  disappointing.   Either I’ll try to extend the scene when I do a total rewrite (much much later) or I’ll just save it for another story.  Or…I’ll just keep that ‘one night stand’ to myself.

I’ve never had a real one night stand, just to clarify.  But there was one night that I thought I was in teen lust heaven.  A guy I’d been crushing on since I’d first met him kissed me, which progressed into a lot more all in the space of a few hours of the first kiss.  It was the middle of the night, my friend was asleep in the next room, and it was cold.  He was by far, the hottest guy I’d ever got my claws on.  Like an extremely young Brad Pitt in my opinion, but better cause Brad is untouchable, and Offspring was apparently not entirely untouchable!  If only I had an ounce of the self-confidence I have now, that man would’ve been in so much trouble!  I mean blonde hair, blue eyes and tanned skin?  Not to forget the lean body, flat stomach and…well I’ll keep that to myself.  I’ve never had a guy tremble quite so much, do I dare wonder if he’d been attracted to me as long as I had to him?  If he had, then I had no clue, I didn’t even know he liked me that way till we were kissing!  A surprise that!

All this is really a moot point though.  It’s all past, I’m miles away from him and whatever opportunity there was is gone.  The next time I saw him, I felt invisible.  Perhaps he wasn’t as interested, or the fact that I was inexperienced.  I don’t know.  A number of possibilities ran through my head.  My current boyfriend could’ve been one, but honestly I was already thinking of breaking up with that guy.  It  wouldn’t make sense that he would do some of the things or say some of the things he did to me yet have a problem with me being a virgin.  Perhaps he was religious and in some way taking a girl’s virginity would’ve been worse than if the land had already been plowed.  Perhaps he thought I was lying about being a virgin, I know my friend was constantly lying and so it could’ve been guilt by association.

I was pregnant with my older son the last time I saw him at our friend’s funeral.  Even then, I would’ve liked to have known what made him go cold, but I can’t say that he said more than a few words to me at the wake, though our eyes met a couple of times.

I only remember one other thing about that wake, and about just about all interactions in that group.  Erica.  Everyone liked her, I mean liked her, yet to me she came off as the most fake person of the group.  She always acted that way, but something just smacked of fakery to me.  But the guys, all the guys were really into her, and I felt like I couldn’t compare with that.  I could’ve just been projecting.  Maybe I wanted her to be fake because I felt inferior.

Whatever, I should’ve answered his question with a straight “Yes” and when I next saw him I should have taken him aside and talked to him straight.  Shoulda, woulda, coulda, didn’t.  All water under the bridge, past experience that I’ve put behind me, I suppose.  My days as Phenol are over, and I can at least look back on that one night and smile.


About Cici Brown
I'm a happily married mother of two and a half. I'm usually pretty bubbly and in some cases, according to my husband, too open about everything. I am and always will be a gamer geek, though I haven't table-top roleplayed for many years. I still manage to hit an MMO or two. My interests include most things geek and Vampire fiction, though not the sparkly kind, that's not vampire fiction. I have goals towards publishing that have yet to be fulfilled but one day...

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