Dear Old Love, Too
June 8, 2011 1 Comment
Again, for your enjoyment, I give you some new Dear Old Love posts from the past month or so. Enjoy! (BTW None of these are actually mine…)
But It’s Normal
I wish it were strange that sometimes I miss you.
I knew I wasn’t emotionally abusive enough for you.
Now I know to never date a guy who won’t walk me to the parking garage late at night.
The Drowsy Look
I liked the drowsy look in your eyes after you kissed me.
Coolness Isn’t Everything
Just for the record, you know I’m way cooler than who you married, right?
Metaphorically, We Hope
Everywhere I have lived since we ended has been a storage unit.
My love for you knew no limits, and your love for me knew no beginning.
I should have known you were bad news when you didn’t pay for my pancakes.
You said if you were a captain, the only ship you wouldn’t go down with was our relationship.
Hooked on Something
I can’t hear ‘Hooked on a Feeling’ without thinking of you ripping your pants off in front of everyone and dancing towards me in those ridiculous boxers.
You always used to get the last word. I feel so powerful when you shoot me a text and I don’t reply.
I still lurk the Craigslist for your city to see if you’re desperate enough to post in the personals.
Almost an Honor
Your number is now listed as Voldemort on my phone.
Don’t act like you don’t know me, I’ve seen you naked!
People call you a player now—it makes me proud to forever own your V-Plates.
I don’t want you back, I just want you to stop existing in my world. Move to France and shut up about it already. Is that too much to ask?
All My Friends
All of my friends hate you for what you did to me. I wish I could, too.
Part of Me
Part of me really wants to tell you about all of the amazing sex I’ve had since we split up.
Thinking of you is like inflicting wounds on my heart. I never knew how much of a self-mutilator I was.
Every time you contact me it’s like stubbing my toe over and over again. I need a new couch.
Ironic that our most memorable movie date was seeing A Series of Unfortunate Events.
While It Lasted
It was fun while it lasted, but I’m so glad it didn’t.
I have these little chips in my glasses from when you dropped them in the driveway. No one else notices, but I see them every day and am reminded of you.
Today, while beating myself up over all of the moments where my life went wrong, you did not even make the list.
I’m sticking around waiting for your divorce.
No matter how good they feel, they’re never yours.
Love You Less
I never believed you when you said, “I love you more.”
Are you sure you and I were in the same relationship?
You didn’t even leave me with a cool story to walk away with.
That night with you felt like a Hallmark movie. The next morning, I realized it was just a Hallmark commercial in the middle of a disaster movie.
Plan to Forget
You’re everywhere. And as much as I like it, this really doesn’t go with my “forgetting you” plan.
As a Mom
I never wanted to have kids before we talked about having them together. After that the only reason I wanted them was because I knew I would love you as their mother.
The Only Way to Pull Away
I’m sorry I ended us so badly, all anger and acrimony. But don’t you see, sweetie, it was the only way I could pull away? And we both know that’s what you wanted.
I Can Dig It
Usually I can blame someone else for bringing me down, but with you—I dug that hole myself.
Available but Not
I want you to call me, just so I can show you how I can ignore you.
You joked that I was heartless when I told you I didn’t like romantic comedies. But I think you were really just describing yourself.
Do You Care?
If I had never cared, I don’t think I would dislike you this much now. If you had never cared, I don’t think you would dislike me this much now, either.
I wish I could see someone else the way I used to see you.
Jackets Come and Go
I never should have lent you my green jacket when you were cold. Now I have neither, and you will likely always be cold.
One day I’ll find the words that describe my absolute loneliness and heartwrenching pain eloquently enough to end up on this website.
It’s intriguing how our last names will seat us next to each other at graduation. I would end up walking into a new phase of my life with you by my side.
I called you Honey all the time, but it just occurred to me that I don’t even like honey.
Sorry I didn’t realize you were my only-comes-around-once love-of-my-life until it was too late.
Tell It to My Heart
It was right and good that we left each other to live our separate lives. We both knew we were way to young to be in that relationship. And It’d be great if you could tell my heart that.
Getting Things Done
In the midst of an increasingly busy life, I realize I can’t remember what it’s like to be so breathlessly, obsessively in love with you. This must be why I’m getting so much more done these days.
You owe me an iPod and about $8500 in psychiatrist fees. I’ll take cash, check, or your hand in marriage.
You brought out the worst in me, and I loved you more for it.
I’m glad you were my first, even if I told you otherwise.
I agreed to tutor your new girlfriend in calculus just to prove that I’m smarter and you took a step down.
I have been waiting for the day when I could look back at “us” and laugh. Today is that day.
I wonder if you somehow feel it whenever I masturbate while thinking about you. Like a ghost passing through your body. A masturbating ghost.
I wish I had something of yours, so you’d be forced to talk to me at least once.