Cici: the Anti-Twilight
March 8, 2012 Leave a comment
No coffee log, no book review, just me saying hi and talking about stuff. What kind of stuff you ask? Lots of stuff! Twilight stuff mostly…in fact why don’t we make this a Twilight rant? Why not? Guess it will be a book review, then! So, I’m sure somewhere on this thing I’ve made my position on the Twilight novels at least a little known right? The long and short of it is I don’t like it. I agree that it was badly written, and sends out the wrong message to young girls everywhere. You may disagree with me, and that’s fine. Don’t think you can convert me though and I’ll give you six very good reasons why I can’t be swayed! (WARNING: THIS POST IS FULL OF ANTI-TWILIGHT COMMENTS AND SPOILERS WHICH SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED BY ANYONE THAT HAS NOT READ THE BOOKS AND ACTUALLY WANTS TO OR BY ANYONE THAT TAKES THE SERIES TOO SERIOUSLY! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)
Argument #1: If you just read the books you’d like them! You’ll never be able to put them down! My Answer: I read all of the books, front to back. I had a bit of a tough time getting into the first and by the middle of the last book I felt that the story dragged on and wished Stephanie Meyer would personally put a literary gun to the book and shoot it. Don’t try to get me to read them again, it was bad enough trying to read what I found of Midnight Sun!
Argument #2: But, Twilight is so well written! How could you not like it? My Answer: No, it’s not well written. Just because you can’t put the book down, just means they have good flow. That is only one aspect of a book that makes it “well written”. Word choice is one that you have to look into. I ran into a drinking game where one of the things you have to do while reading the book is take a shot every time the author uses any form of the words “chagrin”, “dazzle”, & “Adonis” meaning she loves on those words like there’s no tomorrow.
Argument #3: But how can you not fall for Edward? My Answer: First off, I never ever believed for a second that he was in love with her. There was nothing in the way Meyer wrote the first book that convinced me that they were truly in love, and honestly I kind of preferred Jacob. In fact the only thing that really kept me reading the second book was the vague hope that she might at least kiss Jacob. Later I was to be totally turned off by him completely, but more on that later. Frankly, I find the description of Edward to be the least lust or love inspiring of any description she could have used. A cold statue, in a nutshell. Don’t believe me? read the books Meyer is constantly describing him as being a pale Adonis statue.
Argument #4: Don’t you find it the least bit Romantic? My Answer: No, I do not find it romantic. It’s full of creepiness that should never be held up as a template for little girls to base their relationships on. Edward is a stalker in the begining, going so far as to oil the hinges on her window to further enable his sneaking. Don’t believe me? Read Midnight Sun. He dumps Bella in the middle of the woods, possibly knowing that her awkwardness would get the better of her and she’d be lost in the woods. Then, instead of trying to verify that she’s really dead, he decides to attempt suicide when he hears her father has gone to a funeral, like her dad doesn’t know anyone else that could have died. (SPOILER ALERT!!!)Then later when he finds out his lady love who he’s married to now, has miraculously concieved a child, he imediately thinks abortion. (SPOILER ALERT AGAIN!!!)And Jacob is a poster child for pedos everywhere! I don’t care how unsexual his “imprinting” is, he fell in love with a newborn baby. I also don’t care how fast she grows, chronologically she will still be a toddler. As soon as that happened my utter disdain began.
Argument #5: But Stephanie Meyer’s new spin on vampires and werewolves is refreshing! My Reply: I won’t argue that no one had ever really made vampires like that, but I’ll also argue that the only thing her vampires have in common with real vampires is that they drink blood. Lots of things drink blood, we don’t call them all vampires. And her werewolves are actually more like traditional werewolves, but you never see those in the books. There’s mention of them in the second or third book, but you never get to see one. What you do see are shape shifters that take on the spirit of wolves.
Argument #6: What about Bella, can’t you relate to her being an average girl? My Reply: Actually, I started to dislike her in the very begining. She’s not an average teen as far as I’m concerned. She rides the Self-Pity-Train all the way into Forks and all through the first book. She was the main reason I had troubles getting into the first book . I could not relate to the whiny teenager, for the life of me, plus she describes herself as a Mary Sue, but several guys almost imediately begin to fall over themselves to try and date her. Even still, she’s only interested in the one that seems to disdain her very presence, but who actually just wants to jump her and eat her like a plate of ribs. She’s also supposed to be quite intelligent, but she can’t make her way out of a wooded area, and though sex with a vampire could kill her as quoted in the first book, she still can’t wait to jump his bones as soon as they’re husband and wife. No, I cannot empathize with such a character, nor can I like such a character.
And there you have it: why I will never be convinced that Twilight is worth the paper it’s written on…