To Those We’ve Lost, and are About to Loose…

Not whining, just taking stock of what’s gone on this year. I am ringing in the new year with a post, but no New Year’s Resolution. I’ll work to improve in general over the next year, but I swear if it all turns out to be more of the same as this year…Well, you get the idea.
2012 started out with my husband developing gastritis, an ulcer, and 6 hernias around his navel.  As I waited for his surgeon to call me in after the surgery, I felt sure that once he recovered, things would improve for us both.  Even after his stitches were removed, and supposedly healed, he still had difficulty sleeping, so for a good part of the year, I’ve had to sleep alone or in our recliner to be near him.  We were left with medical bills but we were alive.  One of my best friends and her daughter got to come visit, it was in the middle of vacation bible school, but we had some good memories.  One of the last days our shop got broken into, but again, I wouldn’t trade having my friend there to support me.  Maybe we shouldn’t have taken our trip to his High School reunion, it certainly hurt us financially, and there didn’t seem to be enough time to see everyone, especially for me.  I felt sad that I couldn’t but I did get to be with my aunt more, and her son, and many other people I’ve not seen in forever.  I also found out that my aunt had just been diagnosed with cancer again, this time breast cancer.  She underwent her surgery with no problems, and seems to be doing just fine with her chemo, but then my husband’s grandmother’s health started to fail, and we were all eventually told that she had an aggressive form of breast cancer.  In early October, she was told that without treatment, she’d have about four months.  She’s been steadily declining since, but we’ve been enjoying the time we have.  This morning, my husband called me, but instead of bad news about her, I was told that they found my brother this morning at the age of thirty-three.  Thirty-three…

When you’re growing up, your big brother’s seem so much older than you, and you know, even as an adult, I still see him as so much older.  That is, until something like this happens, then you think, dear God, he’s only three years older than me.  This shouldn’t have happened.  It’s so stupid!  I want to cry and scream.  I want to curl into a ball and shut out all of the world for a while, but I’m a mother, and a wife.  I have a family that needs me, just as much as I need them, a house that still needs me to function.

And Grandma Thieman has been admitted into hospice care.  …Life…I’d just like to say something…

..!..

Oh…and hope everyone else has a Happy New Year.

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About Cici Brown
I'm a happily married mother of two and a half. I'm usually pretty bubbly and in some cases, according to my husband, too open about everything. I am and always will be a gamer geek, though I haven't table-top roleplayed for many years. I still manage to hit an MMO or two. My interests include most things geek and Vampire fiction, though not the sparkly kind, that's not vampire fiction. I have goals towards publishing that have yet to be fulfilled but one day...

8 Responses to To Those We’ve Lost, and are About to Loose…

  1. dogfordavid says:

    There really are no words to say… at least that I can think of. I am here if you ever need a shoulder or a listening ear though ((hugs))

  2. pretzellogic says:

    i’m sorry to hear about all these, cici! one cannot be under the rain all the time. the sun shines, and when it does, you’ll see that it will shine longer for you. i wish you and your family good health and happiness — neil

    • Cici Brown says:

      I appreciate the condolences Neil. I do try to keep with the positive, but this most recent turn of events just seemed to take the floor out from under us all. Still, they both wouldn’t have wanted us to wallow in grief. I’m trying to stay positive. Eventually I’ll get there.

  3. Rose Angel says:

    Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. If you need for me to keep the little ones for the funeral. Otherwise I am sending out a general call for Rough Writers: Same to you. How about a fresh Rough Writers start? Sundays? Time to be voted on. Place will be at the GBG office (new location). Pass the word.
    I do hope your next year is better. Lets get you published!

    • Cici Brown says:

      Thanks Rose, I ended up taking them to Wichita with me for my brother’s funeral. We just got back early this morning. I could do Sundays, perhaps with a noon-ish time frame? I’ll spread the word, but i’m afraid that with the recent events I hadn’t started looking for the names. I’ve either not been home or too sick with grief to really want to do much of anything. Published would be nice though! ^^ Who knows?

  4. Idebenone says:

    There are years lost behind us, full of words we never spoke, and now we have our separate lives and less time to share together. But in my heart I have always felt the love we have, and neither distance nor time can take away the bond we forged as children.

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