Dun Dun Dunnn!

Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and Girls! It’s time again for another installment of Cici’s favorite posts from Dear Old Love!  This is where I post my favorites from the last month of Dearoldlove.com and put them here for all of you to read.  Feel free to check out their page too!

Really I was going to just work on pretty big cut and paste project today…but the computer keeps randomly losing what I’m working on.  It’s the most frustrating thing so I’m working on this instead…ENJOY!!!Tale

There’s an old wive’s tale that if you can’t sleep at night, you’re awake in someone else’s dreams…I’ve been an insomniac since you dumped me, and every night that I don’t sleep, I pray that in your dreams, I slap you, and walk away.

Just Afraid

You never actually gave a damn about me, you were just afraid to be alone.

Only Thing

You kissed her. In front of me. She wore that jumper I love so much. So, I did the only reasonable thing I could ever do: got so drunk I couldn’t see and cried to my mother.

Waste Best

When I think too gently about you, I waste the day listening to love songs.  Of all the ways I waste time, this is the best.

Had You Been

Had you been honest with your intentions and told me you wanted nothing more than my body, I would’ve been okay with that, I could’ve accepted that, but no. You lied and pretended that you loved me and in turn made me fall in love with you, and that hurts.

16

I wasn’t a crazy bitch. I was sixteen.

Secretly

I hate when you assume my tweets are about you even when they’re just song lyrics. Secretly they are all about you but I don’t want you to think I still care.

Held Out

I kept saving myself for you, but you never wanted me. Now I’m glad I held out for someone else.

That Simple

He makes me feel safe. You make me feel alive. It’s that simple.

Dear Submitters?

I started to read this blog when my heart was broken, but now I’m with the man of my dreams, so, don’t worry I guess is what I’m trying to say. It’ll be okay.

Can’t Forget

You can never really forget about it, can you? No matter how much you want to.

Winded

When I think about how I hurt you it knocks the wind out of me for a split second. But I know I don’t get to complain about that.

Untitled

And all I could say when you sent me the requested picture of you as a 47 year old woman was, “Oh my!” If I’d said much more it would have been, “Oh my! I could love you like I did 30 years ago. Are you ready now?” But why did you not ask what I meant? Did you know?

In Dreams

Even in my dreams, we’re sitting on your kitchen floor having deep psychological chats about life, God and whether or not I should be using Febreze as yoga mat cleaner. I miss that.

Untitled

Last night, I dreamt we met. To a point, my subconscious mind was realistic. I appeared as I am now: my hair cropped, my eyes wary behind spectacles. I saw you thinner, just graying at the temples. But when we caught sight of each other, your face lit up as it used to do, and I threw my arms around your neck. Why can’t we be that brave when we’re awake?

Permanent Hiatus

Did you let me go permanently, or is this a long hiatus?

Simply Miss

I simply miss sleeping with you, and no, I don’t mean sex. But I guess I miss that, too.

Wishes

I started calling dandelions ‘wishes’ because you would always blow on them to make a wish. When we broke up I had to make myself stop because everyone thought it was childish. Now sometimes I will find one and secretly wish for you, and hope you secretly wish for me too.

So Old

I feel so old when I remember how young crazy stupidly in love we were.

Soulmates at a Distance

If we are soulmates, it doesn’t mean we have to be together. I have to get used to that.

Dream Version

The dreams about you are the worst, because I realize that the sweet, caring version of you that’s mine when I’m sleeping will never be there when I wake up anymore.

Rewanting

How is it possible that you, a grown woman, can make me, a grown man, rewant all those times of our teenage lifetime ago?

Not Me So What

Yeah, yeah—It had nothing to do with me. Why is that supposed to make me feel better?

Medicated

I dumped you because I thought your anti-depressants made you boring, but now I know it is because I was jealous of your sanity. Now that I am medicated, all I can think about is you.

Bookend

You’re like that bookend that falls over leaving the other books to spill.

Needed Time

You showed me what its like to feel important and beautiful, yet I stayed with someone who doesn’t make me feel that way. You left because you thought I was playing with your emotions, but all I needed was a little time.

Chocmouth

I still remember the way your mouth always tasted like chocolate. What the hell was that? Did you always carry around a brownie in case you saw me, or something? That’s not normal. Go see a doctor.

Dreamy

I will always care for you, always, but I don’t think I need you or want you like I once did—you are a romanticized dream, no longer a reality. And I am finally okay with that.

Default

I told you when you tried breaking up with me the first time that, should you do it again, you would have to look me in the eyes accepting that you would never see me again. You broke up with me over the phone. Does that mean that I can default on my promise too?

Wandering Back

I can’t stop concocting all of these love stories where we end up together. There are more men, more mind games, more heartbreaks…but in the end I always wander back to you.

Or Something

As angry as I am and probably always will be for the awful things you did to me, nothing upsets me more than your unhappiness. I guess that’s love.

Change Profile Pic

I really wish you’d change your profile picture— so that it was actually your face. I have my pics of us, but they’re not very good and I’m terrified of forgetting what you looked like.

Kids

I can’t help thinking that your kids would be ugly. But really smart.

Topics

So after 10 years of you asking, I agreed to see you after 20 years. I hope you know what you want to talk about because I don’t.

Penne

I remember when we didn’t know how to say penis in Spanish, so we joked about how it could secretly be every new vocabulary word we were given. Now that you looked it up and told me, I can’t eat penne pasta without thinking of you. (Even though there’s an extra ‘n’)

Character

Six months before I knew of you, I named a character for my novel. He had your first name, and his last name turned out to be your middle name.

How the hell do you think I managed that?

Love, Hate

I love that you broke up with the girl you cheated on me with, but I hate that it still doesn’t mean we can go back to how things were before.

FO

I already knew you had a girlfriend, but it didn’t actually hurt until you became Facebook official with her.

UY

You make me feel an undefined yearning that I’ve not been able to satisfy.

You Yourself

If you know I’m the only one you can be yourself with how come you don’t want to be with me. Don’t you like yourself?

10

Hey you, call me. I think ten years has been long enough.

Expansive

I wish you wouldn’t take my vanity to heart.  It has nothing to do with my

e x p a n s i v e love of you.

PLMA

Sixteen years and hundreds of miles haven’t managed to wear away what I feel for you.  Puppy-love my ass!

Mistake

I miss how easy our relationship was. My relationship now is so hard at times that I sometimes feel like I’ve made a mistake.

Less Pressure

I wonder if we had met now as twenty-somethings instead of wide-eyed middle schoolers, would things have turned out different? There is a lot less pressure now to be who we are than it was back then, a lot easier for a boy to love another boy than it was back when we were thirteen. Too bad I’ll never know.

Back When

I loved you in high school, back when you were nerdy and awkward and adorable, before you got all scruffy and sexy. Doesn’t that count for anything?

Change Passwords

I still know your Facebook password. And I know you’re too stupid to check from where your account has last been logged in. I love knowing you still complain about me, almost a year later. And I love knowing I left you for good reason.

Gift

With you, I didn’t worry where I was going in life. I didn’t obsess how we were going to get from A to B. I lived life, held your hand and spent countless nights smelling your hair. You were a gift I had to give back.

Sometimes They Mean Something

I love writing, but words are just words, and sometimes they don’t mean anything at all. You helped me realize this.

If We Skype

I day dream about what we’d talk about if we finally Skyped.

Mostly it involves you assuring me that it’s okay that I miss you so damn much, because, just like you promised, you miss me too.

Sidebar

I know you stalk my Facebook because I haven’t viewed yours since September, but you keep showing up in that sidebar no matter what I do.

Coulda Been

The biggest problem with us was that you were too scared to take it anywhere. We could’ve been great if you’d had the balls to make a move.

Chem Class

There is chemistry, and then there is sexual chemistry. We have both. and there is so much tension whenever I am around you. Do you have the same urge to rip my clothes off whenever you see me, too?

Gonna Be Fine

I have finally accepted the fact that I was your rebound and, though you’ll never admit to it, I take credit for getting your life on a better track. Twas a rough 3 months but, you’re welcome. You’re gonna be just fine.

Wake Up

The love notes on here from teenagers and people who are 21 really make me want to puke, so naively convinced that they’ve already had their true love. Wake up, I want to say, do you know how many people you are going to sleep with and obsess over in the next few years? But then I remember that I have been desperately in love with you for over 15 years now, since we were both 15. How much of a dipshit does that make me?

Be Happy

I can’t decide if I’m happy that you finally got your life together, or sad because you managed to do it without me.

Only Dif

Sometimes I think the only difference between us is you’re devious while I’m conniving…

Of Them

There are many I’ve been with whom I don’t talk to anymore, but that doesn’t hurt. You were the one I loved however, and it kills me that you’re now one of them.

Old Freakout

I had a crush on you from 1st grade until 7th grade… you liked me for the last week of 8th grade. Thirteen years later, when you kissed me, I couldn’t help but think, “12 year old me would be freaking out right now!”

Tainted

I can no longer enjoy gummy bears, zombie movies, dom/sub sex, the Dark Knight, or most of OUR favorite music. Its all tainted. I’m tainted.

Pocked Dial

A few days ago I wound up in a conversation about pocket dialing. I told my colleague that I’d pocket dialed a friend once while you (my ex) were serenading me. She thought it was so cute I didn’t have the heart to tell her what a jerk you turned out to be.

Waking Up

I just realized why missing you felt so damn familiar. It’s the same exact feeling I get when I wake up from a great dream. So thanks, I guess, for all those wonderful memories, but it’s about damn time I get out of my head and live in the real world.

No Fair

You wanted me to want you but you didn’t want me back. Explain to me how that’s fair?

Untitled

A friend asked me in debate, “Well, in essence, if a relationship ends, it fails, right?” And I stopped and thought about you, and while we are definitely over, I love you still, in the platonic sense, in that I wish you the best in everything you do. Any problems we had, I don’t regret, because we handled them as maturely and as best we could. We learned from each other. I looked up at my friend to reply, “No. No, it doesn’t.”

Sneakily

In a conversation we had after we broke up…you sneakily slipped in that I’ll be “forever alone.” I don’t know what you meant by that, but I haven’t forgotten it.

Given

How could you give us away? How could all those nights and kisses and bites belong to anyone but us?

Teeny Tiny

Your Facebook friend request gave me a teeny tiny heart attack.

With & W/out

I thought about it long and hard. I will always love you. I just have to find a way to live with it. And to live without you

Well, that’s all for now! Hope you all love em as much as me!

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About Cici Brown
I'm a happily married mother of two and a half. I'm usually pretty bubbly and in some cases, according to my husband, too open about everything. I am and always will be a gamer geek, though I haven't table-top roleplayed for many years. I still manage to hit an MMO or two. My interests include most things geek and Vampire fiction, though not the sparkly kind, that's not vampire fiction. I have goals towards publishing that have yet to be fulfilled but one day...

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