Reflecting on Life

Happy Friday the 13th everyone! Are you having a typical Ft13 too? Let’s just say I had to call my dentist about a possible infection on a tooth he’d prepared for a crown and ended up in his chair getting a root canal.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he had a last minute cancellation, and the work needed to get done so no sense postponing the inevitable.  I mean the faster the problem gets solved the faster I don’t have to live with the pain, right? As loopy as I am naturally, we really don’t need me to be hopped up on pain meds! Seriously people, super-loopy Cici is…well okay it’s pretty funny to see, but I have an image to keep…well okay so my image was always pretty jester-like…fine fine fine I just don’t need to be loopy off pain meds all the time, okay???

My drug habits aside though, I wanted to touch on something a little more serious.

So four years ago to the day I posted about trying to find my joy after losing a loved one.  I had just buried my older brother Greg and my husband had buried his grandmother.  His was a tragic loss that left me devastated, while hers though sad was expected.  Tomorrow will be the day my family says goodbye to my dear loving aunt.  A woman who was a cornerstone to my childhood.  I made it no secret that she was my favorite aunt and I think it’s safe to say that I was one of her favorite nieces.  She fought cancer for many years knowing that one day she wouldn’t be able to fight anymore, and we even talked about it when we were buying flowers for Greg’s casket piece.  Cancer did not define her though.  To the very end she was full of life.  I would hope that I could greet my end with as much grace and dignity as she did.

Some of my last conversations with her have made me think about how to look at life.  I know in my other posts I tried to stress that you never know when your end is going to come, so tell your loved ones how you feel about them while you can.  This time, I feel it even more important to say that it is temporary.  That body of yours will not last forever.  No cure for death, no fountain of youth is going to come forth and make us all immortal.  It’s pretty to think so, but in all actuality, even if science finds a cure for one terminal disease, or finds a way to transplant a brain, death is still going to be inevitable. All you can do is sometimes postpone that eventuality.

I like to believe that there is a beautiful paradise for our souls to retire to after this world is done with us.  I could be wrong, and that’s okay.  We could all just reincarnate into another body, or an echo of our beings could just stay on the Earth haunting the living.  We could all just fade away into nothing.  If you believe any of those, you are free to do so.  Depending on my mood I think all could be possible.  I’m not God, so I couldn’t tell you for sure what he does with our souls once our bodies can’t sustain us anymore.  I have faith that I’ll go exactly where I should though.  The thing is, I accept that one day I’ll be gone.

The reason I mention four years ago is because the beginning of this year mirrored that year pretty closely in that someone close to me passed shortly before the new year and then after the New Year a Matriarch of my husband’s family passed as well.  My brother was found the morning of New Years Eve 2012 then my husband’s maternal grandmother passed away three days later. This year my Aunt passed in the early hours of December 27th and my husband’s step-grandmother passed away ten days after the new year.

Actually I’m curious what it will be like.  I imagine so many possibilities, none of which I’ll list here for fear of making this post so utterly morbid as to convince you all that I’m deep in the throes of depression and about to off myself!  Who am I kidding, you’re thinking it now anyway.  However, it has made me more introspective about the event.  I don’t know, sometimes I’m thoroughly convinced that I am just some figment of a dreamer’s dream that will blend seamlessly into the entirety once my time comes.

Still, it’s actually a little smart to think about your eventual demise, or more like how you would like your family to make your final moments and subsequent burial to be.  In an attempt to put a more humorous spin on the situation, perhaps a little of Adam Ruins Everything would help.  Don’t let the beginning fool you, this show can even make death funny. Adam Ruins Death.

Well, I can’t do much more damage to this popsicle stand. I’m outta here!

*Quick note* I did write the bulk of this back in January, but didn’t realize I hadn’t published till April…ah well!

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About Cici Brown
I'm a happily married mother of two and a half. I'm usually pretty bubbly and in some cases, according to my husband, too open about everything. I am and always will be a gamer geek, though I haven't table-top roleplayed for many years. I still manage to hit an MMO or two. My interests include most things geek and Vampire fiction, though not the sparkly kind, that's not vampire fiction. I have goals towards publishing that have yet to be fulfilled but one day...

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